After every performance of mine my Mom attends, she loves to tell anyone who will listen the day I became "the witch" in my preschool drama class.  "She was the most sweet, innocent, shy and quiet little girl, and then I went to the performance the children were doing on the last day of drama class and my baby girl exploded on the stage with this big presence and maniacal witch cackle!" On one hand I am always embarrased and thinking "there she goes again..." but some part of me really enjoys this story.

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I am still that painfully shy kid at at times. And the stage is where I learned I could be whoever I wanted to be and as loud and carefree as I wanted to be. Somehow as I grew up I became more self conscious on stage and afraid to let that that little witch out again, which turned into crushing stage fright and a feeling of imposter syndrome regardless of the 10,000 + hours I spent learning and honing my craft as a singer and performer.  And add to that the responsibilities of adulting and motherhood and it just seemed there was no place for that creativity and unbridled joy. All my joy  and energy went into raising two beautiful children and that little witch got lost in taking care of others needs and dreams. Don't get me wrong. I love mothering and being a caretaker, but at some point, I lost my own voice along the way to develop others.

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In 2017 my Dad passed away from a rare form of cancer. We had a beautiful relationship and my favorite thing about him was how silly he could be and his absolute zest for life. When he died it left a cavernous whole, but also a lot of reflection and opportunity. A musician and music lover  himself, He was a big proponent of me taking my art and voice more seriously and at his funeral I vowed I would do just that. I started letting go of the perfectionism and began to embrace my voice and my style. I used all the vocal training I had to propel me forward on and off the stage and I developed a powerful connection between my voice and my body, which transformed the way I spoke, sang and carried myself, both on and off the stage.

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I conjure up that little preschool witch frequently and ask her what she'd say when I get in that rut. She has that reckless abandon and freedom at the touch of her fingertips. I soak her all in.   She is who I aim to be nowadays  in my mid forties and I've come a long way to get back to her. 

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But you see, we all have that little witch in us. She's magic and so are we. I didn't have to look far to find her. She was there all along. 

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Today my joy is in guiding others to unleash that inner witch to cast her magic out onto the world. Her voice is undeniable. It's been inside you all along. 

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